*Oh the Thoughts

I started my second job last week, as a TA for a Data Analytics course. I know it’s common to spew to the world the particulars of every aspect of ones life. I’m not into it. Suffice it to say I’m shorter on time, and a little more tired.

How are my 2023 Goals?

Not terrible.

I’ve actually managed to draw every single day with one exception. It’s was all figure drawings all of January, equally divided between male and female figures. The plan is to fill February with portraits, again dividing equally between genders, hopefully all gender identities if I have the right reference imagery. March will all be hands and feet. I really with the portraits I’ll break away with the strict pencil drawings I’ve been doing and pull in some color, either with colored pencils, watercolor, or gouche.

Reading has been less successful, but already more than last month and any progress is good progress. 

The gym…. or really just exercise… has been less successful than I’d like but more successful than not going at all.

Posting here may end up a monthly affair. I’ve recently lost 12+ hours a week, and I rather not-blog than sacrifice anything else.

What I’m Reading and What I’ve Read : 

So far this year I’ve finished 3 books:  

  • Death of the Artist (and oh the thoughts*)

  • You Let Me In  by Camilla Bruce- a surprising, lovely, ambiguous, creepy wonderful book. If you’d like a story where happily ever after is not what’s expected, and possibly not an option - start here. 

  • naked statistics by Charles Wheelan

  • The current book is The Wisdom of Psychopaths by Dr. Kevin Duncan

What I’m Listening To: An audiobook - The Girl in the Tower by Katherine Arden, which is a sequel to the Bear and the Nightingale. All of my music is Medieval Lofi streams from YouTube

What I’m Watching: My partner and I just finished Fleishman is in Trouble - and my god. Go into this gently and with a therapist perhaps, very few shows have emotional wrung me out as throughly as this did. Away from him I’m watching Legion. It’s weird and I love it.

*Oh The Thoughts:

Art is weird. We want it, on a certain level we need it. In a way it’s compulsive. I don’t think I’ve met anyone in my life who didn’t have that drive to modify their surroundings to one extent or another. Small children mark on everything they come across the moment they have enough finger control to hold a marker or crayon. 

Socially, art lives in an uncomfortable place where art has value, and simultaneously no value. People want art, but very few people want to pay for it. Or it’s thought of as an unaffordable luxury. It’s sort of in sacred whore territory. There’s an attitude surrounding art and artistic pursuits that it must be done for love and attaching money to it demeans the process in some way. That the enjoyment the artist may achieve in the creation of a piece is payment enough, and to ask for financial compensation on top of that is greedy and selfish. And yet there’s a place and a time in which pieces of art are traded for massive sums of money as investment pieces on the hope that they might appraise in value - an investment that is contingent on the artist creating more work, building more of a reputation, which is only possible if the artist can afford the paints to paint with (or any materials required for artistic creation, music, media, books, etc - first and foremost the brain and body) and a space to create work in.

There was a time when artists had patrons, which worked in a sense of providing for the artist financially, but at the cost of the artists freedom and voice. It’s hard to criticize the ruling class(or the church) when they ruling class owns you and your blue paint is made of lapis lazuli and is very expensive. 

Now we live in a time where artists have much more freedom, but the ability to live on the fruits of that labor is becoming harder and harder.

Compounding this is American Puritan culture - where if you worked hard wealth would be rained down upon you, a blessing from God. If your art was truly worth anything, if your work was pure and looked upon favorably by sky-daddy -  you wouldn’t be struggling financially. A notion that any work that has worth is rewarded with bounty and if you’re struggling clearly you are morally deficient and belong in the muck - otherwise why would you be there?

Enter AI.

The democratization of art has possibly entered its final phase. Where once art could only be seen in the homes of the wealthy, museums were created giving art viewing to the public. Art schools have exploded in number, making a formal art education easier to obtain (though no less expensive).  Easier and cheaper than art school(for the low low price of your attention and a few ads), online art tutorials make learning advanced and niche artistic techniques accessible to anyone with a device to view them on and a wifi connection. Digital art, though expensive out of the gate, removes the cost of supplies. Similar advancements in audio production have made home-brewed song releases easier than ever. If an author can’t find a publisher, self publishing is there, waiting on Amazon to help you get your work in front of people. 

Anyone can access art. Anyone can learn to create art.

Enter AI.

Visual Art is the first to be hit by this. AI is coming for the rest of it, fast and hard.

I have had this thought in my head for a few weeks - When everyone is an artist, no-one is an artist. And when the magic is removed from art making, when art has been democratized to the point when it’s not a job anymore there’s the possibility for a fundamental shift in the how and why anyone creates anything. And I’m weirdly looking forward to it.

I spent a lot of the summer after the release of Midjourney having an existential crisis I had no time for, and kept pushing off. In slow moments it would creep back up on me, and I’d let the panic hit for a count of 10 before I pushed it back. I was in school, I was busy, I had no time. (My therapist called me the queen of compartmentalization - I don’t think it was a compliment, but it’s handy at times). By the time I had a moment to look at AI art and really look about it, and think about what it was bringing the panic had subsided and it suddenly didn’t matter. Might my job as an artist get replaced with an algorithm? 

Possibly. 

Probably.

But I’ve never really loved creating art that other people asked for. The odd commission aside (I don’t take them unless I’m interested in doing them) not making art commercially any more really just removes a task that I give up fairly willingly, which frees up all of the energy I would have expended making art to trick someone into reading bad stories - frees it up to make things that don’t cost so much emotional labor and leave me fulfilled at the end of the day. Admittedly this is a huge privilege. I have other skills I can rely upon for an income, and I’ve been working long enough to have backup plans in place. Not everyone is this lucky. Not everyone can look at a garbage commission and reply with “I’d rather not.” There are absolutely artists who are being hit with this directly in the wallet and I have no idea what to say to them. There is no making it better. There’s no putting the toothpaste back in the tube. For better or worse these tools are loose in the world now, and there is absolutely a culture fight happening around them.

  

Something That Made Me Laugh: Someone grafted meat cells into grapes and made meat berries.

 

Goals and Updates, 2022 into 2023

2023 is around the corner. I have my goals set before me and one of them involves regular updates here, so here we go:

  1. Daily Goals - drawing, coding practice, reading, exercise. It’s a lot with a full time job and possibly a part time job in the future. There will be good days and less successful days.

  2. Weekly updates here - what I’m reading, listening to, working on. Just a weekly writing practice in a public space.

  3. To read more books than I purchase - which could involve purchasing fewer books, or reading more.

What I’m Reading - The Death of the Artist: How Creators Are Struggling to Survive in the Age of Billionaires and Big Tech by William Deresiewicz. This is an excellent book. I’m half way into it and I have thoughts. Forthcoming.

What I’m Listening To: Mostly my music space has been occupied with a lot of instrumental covers - Vitamin String Quartet and Duomo, plus a little Ratatat and OceanLab.

What I’m Watching: I just finished His Dark Materials on HBO, and I loved it - it’s a beautiful adaptation of the books and I’ll be rewatching it soon. My partner and I are/were also watching Willow on Disney and we both hate it. There are two unreleased episodes and I don’t know if I can bother with it. I love the original movie, and part of me hopes that there’s something that will turn this series around and make the whole thing make sense - but as of now Graydon is the only character I care for at all. It feels like a parody of a D&D campaign run and played by a hoard of teenagers with short attention spans and someone’s parents iPod shuffle playing for background music. Pointing out every item that makes my head hurt would require rewatching the series and beyond not wanting to put myself through that again, I don’t want to give Disney the viewing data to suggest that I’m enjoying it enough to watch it a second time. Character flaws make for good story telling, but every character it so flawed, and the flaws collide with each other so violently that I’ve spent the entire series waiting to care that these characters are clearly going to fail.

Something I’ve Been Thinking About: We’re getting into a weird point in the evolution of culture that going to be really interesting to live through and probably more interested to study in retrospect. Whole culture wars are playing out online over AI and ethics, and it plays into the democratization of the Arts in really interesting ways. A lot of us take for granted the accessibility of art, not just it availability online but in museums and galleries. Digital tools have reformed the landscape more and made the creation of art easier and cheaper in many ways - a digital piece can be reworked infinite times without having to worry about the effect of layers on the substrate or the cost of paint or the ruination of the piece in general. AI image creation takes that all a step further, where talent and skill are also removed from the equation in the initial “creation” of imagery. What rifts will this create in the art world when it comes to medium and class and the already indeterminate definition of what art is or is not?

Something That Made Me Laugh: Like a lot of people following TikTok trends - I bought a tamagotchi to attach to my water bottle to encourage myself to hydrate better. It makes me smile, and I never had one in the 90’s so it’s also soothing a part of me that missed out on something stupid in my youth.

This would be a good time to create a 2022 in review as well, but this past year was rough. I’ll save my retrospective for a more private medium and focus on moving forward.

AI Art and the Future

I’m an artist. I work in a range of mediums - watercolor, digital, glue and ephemera, and tea a couple of times. I’ve made prints with linocut and plate, dabbled in photography and dance, and spent a very short amount of time singing in a band. I don’t question the authenticity of myself as an artist. The tools change, but the ability to make something remains.

A question being raised now is whether AI generated art is actually art, and if the people generating the art are artists.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that they are not, because their status on artist is completely reliant on that one particular tool. The only thing you’re actually creating is a prompt to put in a tool - and the AI is doing the rest of the work. Remove access to Midjourney and you’re left with nothing more than a clever wordsmith at best.

Anyone whose been making art for awhile knows that access to better tools makes for better art - higher quality paint is easier to work with, better quality brushes give you better control of the paint you apply to a canvas, digital images created in Procreate or Photoshop are a world away from those created in Microsoft Paint. 

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, particularly in reference to when Adobe Photoshop really started kicking off an an illustrative tool in the early aughts and the emotionally violent backlash from artists in traditional mediums who decried the notion that a digital image could be considered “art” - there was also a rash of “artists” whose entire portfolios consisted of photoshop filters jammed on top of mediocre photography, and these images were novel and trendy for half a minute before they became worse than mundane and the community at large learned to recognize them for what they were. 

What art is or isn’t is one of those questions may be best left to philosophy, and I do have a small pile of books on aesthetics that have recently been bumped higher up on my “to read” list; and maybe now the more relevant question is “What is an artist?”  I am not a mathematician for the possession of a calculator. I am not a chef because I can pull together a meal from things I found in the back of the pantry. Throwing a series of words together doesn’t make you a writer, even if you are writing. And throwing a series of words in an AI art generator doesn’t make you an artist.

AI generated art is here and it’s not going anywhere - but once more artists start really using it what they make is going to blow these early breathes of existence away in ways we can’t image right now.

Not Dead, and updates...

I have a lot of ideas, and not a lot of time to follow through on them, compounded by focus issues. My family is convinced I have ADHD ever since my younger sister was diagnosed with it. A close friend with a degree in TikTok medicine thinks I have autism. The only thinks I have actually been diagnosed with are chronic depression and anxiety - all made worse as the world crumbles to awfulness around us. Occasionally it occurs to me that rather than trying to be a focused person who I am not, that I should lean into my "chaos" and just be more authentically myself instead of constantly trying to cram myself into an easily digestible box of a person. 

In that vein, I committed myself to creating a book - something I've wanted to do for a very long time but never had enough of "one thing" to create a book out of. But I do have a lot of "stuff", and if I'm making a book that is truly mine maybe it doesn't need a focus. Maybe I can just make an explosion of everything in my brain, just as it is. I'm extremely fortunate in having a full time job in the print industry, with access to presses and a good standing in a company that will give me very fair prices on as fancy a hardcover book as I can afford to make.  Thoughts, poetry, fairy tales, art - all of the things that are in me in print and mine.

My original goal was to have it all finished by August (yesterday) and printed by the end of September. Then I enrolled in a Data Analytics Bootcamp and that is all I've been doing ever since. I have maybe 30 pages of my monstrosity completed, and will have to finish the remained 200 over the next year. 

Since I don't  know what to do with a Patreon as a creator with no focus, this is officially becoming my accountability tracker. I have a year - 52 weeks - to finish 200 pages. 4 pages a week and it's done. Maybe five pages a week and extra time for QA revisions if I'm being responsible. 

If you'd like to follow along, go subscribe to my Patreon. If you want to help keep me accountable, invite friends. I'm adjusting my support tiers to 1$ and "Anything". If I reach 50 patrons I'll make a new tier for process videos - I've experimented with filming while making this way and it's honestly a lot of work AND VERY AWKWARD, but for 50 viewers I'd do it. 

MORE THAN ART

Several years ago when I was working in Management, I had a recurrent problem with no one believing anything I told them, followed with flippant dismissal at my later very polite “I warned you this would happen”. It was a frustrating pattern, more so with repetition and time. Two things I found that helped: wearing blue-light filtering glasses (non prescription, my eyes are fine) and putting all of my information in an excel document.

The glasses bit was ridiculous.

The excel bit was also ridiculous, but something I could build upon. I added columns of data I tracked meticulously. I created charts. It got more complex. The data sets became larger.

It all started to turn into something I enjoyed - creating stories out of sets of numbers, making those stories palatable with charts, graphs, graphics. It was something I wanted to learn how to do better. I found a program, enrolled, and five months later I’m a month away from graduating from my data analytics bootcamp. There have been multiple late nights coding until 5am, there were quite a few tears in the beginning when I was putting together my first for loops and doubting I’d be able to learn any of it at all, and more than half of the class dropped out; but I’m close to the end and it’s becoming fun again. Excel, VBA, Python, SQL, HTML, CSS, Javascript, Tableau, Big Data, and Machine Learning later - I’m Neural Networks and a group project away from the finish line.